{{NSFW}}
I made this Troll Pasta about a few months ago, J.R.R will be turning in his grave.
Sometime in 1945, I was comic con in New York. I spent my fair amount of times stalking cosplayers, stealing shit I couldn't afford and masturbating in clop booths. It was a fun time, even though I got threatened to be kicked out twice. There was a QnA panel for the director of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. He answered a couple of questions from SWJs, such as "why isn't frodo and sam gay?" or "why couldn't Arogorn be a black trans woman?". He tried explaining that he didn't write the original books but they weren't having none of it. They through bloody tampons and spagetti at the man, then he ran of the stage and into outside. Then all of the SWJS started tribbing and shitting everywhere. I followed him outside and I asked him about the lost film of the LOTR. He started crying like a little bitch and gave me a dvd of the lost film. He got sad and decided to commit suicide and jumped in front of a truck, which killed him and a skeleton popped out.
I went home and placed that motherfucker in my ps3. It started with the usual, showing how Sauron was destroyed and how bilbo took the ring of gollum, but something was slightly off. It appeared Gollum has the voice of zoidberg from futurama and he did wub wub wub sound when he wanted the one ring.
It then cuts to the shire where Frodo is getting sucked off by Sam near the tree. Sam wanted anything in his ass so Frodo unearthed a carrot with slugs on it and slid it up his ass. Then he seen gandalf and he tried to stop him, but sam loved that hobbit dick so much. Frodo tried to let go but sam bit his dick off, hyperealistic blood was everywhere and frodo was screaming. Frodo grabbed sting and beheaded Sam with Sting and screamed ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!!!!!! Then Frodo joined ISIS and started beheading all of the hobbits in Hobbiton. President Obama and Putin decided to send in airstrikes it pretty much destroyed the shire. David Cameron wanted to join in to but Obama and Putin didn't want a pig fucker as their friend :(
Meanwhile, Bilbo was using the one ring as a cockring when his was fucking Merry and pippin. You my think he had a tiny cock like bilbo but he cock was hyperrealisticly big and it was bigger than Middle earth, Upper Earth and Down Earth combined. Gandalf came in and shouting "BILBO BAGGINS!!!" very angrely. Bilbo got scared and placed the ring on his finger, but he didn't turn invisible because there was shit and cum on it. Gandalf turned merry and pippin into ash and shuffed his staff up bilbo's ass and roasted him on a fire like you see on the movies. Gandalf was so furious because he ruined his magic stick that he burned down bag end and went to isengard where his bro Saruman is. They both got blazed, fucked some barley legal pussy and they both died of old age.
Arogorn, Legolas, Boromir and Gimli went to fight in Gondor but they were all captured and chained up by the talking trees. They were all scared and they were even more frightened as Elrond and his 7/10 daughter came up and shuffed Aragorn's sword up his ass by the opposite way, pored boiling hot water in gimli's hairy asshole, got mouth of sauron to pull off Legolas's balls off and injected silver in his blood lol
As everyone was doing their own business, Sauron easily took over middle earth but he to replace his ring because it was covered in shit, sperm and lube. That shit was nasty af.
Galadriel went up to Sauron and said
"There is another"
"Who?"
"He comes from a planet called earth and his name is..."
"Who is it!!?"
"AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!!!"
DU dididuh!!!! du dididuh!!!!!!
John Cena then comes and RKO's Sauron into Mt. Doom, saving middle earth once and for all. Then Galadriel sucked off John Cena and they died of HIV
{{video|AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA -Who are bassbeasts?-}}